Setting Boundaries Without Guilt (Why Doing What’s Best Still Hurts)

We talk a lot about setting boundaries.
But not enough people talk about what happens after.

➤ What do you do when guilt shows up unexpectedly?
➤ When someone you love pushes back?
➤ When choosing peace feels heavier than people-pleasing ever did?

In this episode of Trusting Her Journey, we’re talking about the part no one prepares you for: the emotional aftermath of boundary work.

We’re naming the hard, unspoken parts:

The grief no one warned you about

The guilt that shows up even when you’re doing what’s right

The silence you feel when others don’t celebrate your growth

The truth is:
You might not be feeling guilty.
You might be grieving the version of you who was always available.
The one who got love by overgiving.
The one who never said no.

We break down what a boundary really is (spoiler: it’s not a wall), how to stay grounded when people push back, and why choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you whole.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• What a boundary really is, beyond the buzzwords
• Why boundaries are love, not punishment
• Boundaries vs. walls: how to tell the difference
• What to do when people don’t respond well
• The faith piece, what Jesus actually modeled
• Why guilt after a boundary might actually be grief
• What to do when boundary setting feels lonely or isolating

✨️ Fuel for the Road Ahead:

Boundaries are an act of bravery.
Be brave enough to do what’s not easy but necessary.
And when, not if, the guilt shows up… remind yourself:
​I’m growing. I’m grieving old patterns. And I’m showing love to myself. I can trust this part of my journey.

💭 Reflection Question:

Where in your life are you feeling guilty for choosing peace, and what would it mean to honor that choice anyway?

👉🏾 One Small Step:

This week, notice one place where you’ve set a boundary—and instead of apologizing for it, affirm it.

Say to yourself: “This boundary honors me.” "This boundary honors my values and the healing I’m working toward."

New episodes drop every week.

🔗 Resources & Announcements

We’re building a supportive online community.
Stay tuned for ways to connect with us off the podcast and meet other listeners on the journey.

Let’s Stay Connected

Follow the show on Instagram → @trustingherjourneypodcast
Follow Felicia → @soulguidedhealing_wellness
Follow Christalyn → @christalynthecounselor

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Got a topic you’d love us to cover, or a story to share?
Email us: hello@trustingherjourney.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs it.

Looking for Therapy?

Christalyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina. She offers faith-integrated therapy for women navigating burnout, boundaries, and emotional exhaustion.
→ carolinacounselingsc.com

Felicia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas,  She provides trauma-informed, somatic-based therapy for women ready to heal and reconnect with themselves.
→ soulguidedhealing...

Transcript

Recording Started

SPEAKER_01 0:00

you're my friend, you can't know what I need and what I don't need if I'm always only saying yes to you. You can't know what makes me happy and what frustrates me and what overwhelms me if I'm always only saying yes to you. I'm always only ever taking all of your calls, doing all the things that you want to do, even if I'm tired, even if I don't have the time, even if I don't have the energy, even if I don't have the money, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Welcome to the Trust in Her Journey podcast. I'm Felicia.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

And I'm Krystalyn.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

This podcast is a safe space for women who are carrying a lot. Women who are trying to trust themselves again while managing the weight of their roles and responsibilities.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

We know what it's like to feel stretched thin because you're constantly showing up for everyone and putting your own needs last. Here, we have honest conversations about the silent struggles many women face.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

We're so glad you're here. In every episode, we'll talk about the real challenges women navigate, whether it's juggling work and family, carving out time for yourself or learning to trust your instincts again.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

You'll hear us share personal stories and lessons from our experience to help you trust your path and rethink what peace and balance actually looks like for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Our goal is to guide you through the hard moments with honest conversations about boundaries, self-care and leaning on your faith for strength.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure about how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Just a quick heads up, this podcast isn't a substitute for working with a licensed counselor or therapist, but don't worry, if you need that kind of support, we've got some resources for you in the show notes. Let's start the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

All right. Welcome back to Trusting Her Journey. This is Krystalyn Howard. I am with my lovely co-host, Felicia.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Hey, hey y'all. How are y'all today? How are you today?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

I'm doing good. I got a little extra sleep last night. Okay. My baby girl is on summer break, so I've been hanging out late with her. Well, hanging in. We're not outside. But I've been staying up late with her.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

You don't want to know the song that popped in my head for that. What song? Girl, no. I'm going to save that side because it's very ratchet. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

It's all right.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

it's a tiktok song that's been like in my head you know we outside tonight so yeah i'm not

SPEAKER_01 2:34

good not me a baby girl no

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Oh,

SPEAKER_01 2:40

goodness. How are you doing this week?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I'm doing pretty good. I've actually started this challenge for myself. More of trying to work on consistency, but also another way to just show up for myself outside of my home outside of like family. Okay. So I'm outside a little bit. I have been walking between eight to 10,000 steps a day. So Wow. Yeah. Every evening for the past, what, week and a few days now, I've been doing like three mile walks, just going out and like really being like grounded in the moment, honestly. So paying attention to things, looking at my surroundings, walking to the park. I've even met a few people on the walk. So it feels good. I feel like it's helping me relax and bring my stress in a little bit. So that's been cool. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

I know that makes a difference if you're doing it

SPEAKER_00 3:49

at the end of your day. I missed it until I started last week and it's been cool. It's been cool to revisit that again.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

This womanhood thing is serious business.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

yeah doing some things for yourself it cannot take a back seat and I understand sometimes you have to kind of pause things

SPEAKER_00 4:28

yes and get creative with the way that you show up for yourself but yeah

SPEAKER_01 4:34

yep so doing things that you used to love yeah now I'm inspired

SPEAKER_00 4:41

yeah and you know I actually was kind of crazy is because on I just posted about it on my like therapy business page and I was Like, you know, I'm doing this challenge for myself. Who wants to join? And so like we have women that's in the group and the whole thing that I, well, I would say my message is it's not so much of how many steps you take. It's not so much of like what that activity is. It's just all around. Like, how do you show up for yourself? And so changing the narrative to, uh, uh, I would say a space of world moving or redefining the narrative from it being like, you have to do this particular thing and you really just do what feels well for you. And just to hear the feedback and the comments, I'm like, we all kind of needed this support from each other. Yeah, like who knew that this could be a thing to bring people together? So yeah, I'm excited about that. Do

SPEAKER_01 5:40

you think that some women who see what you're doing, see what you're sharing, that you're kind of getting back to doing some of the old things you used to do but in a new way do you think that some of those women have um maybe some external or some internal roadblocks things that they've been longing for getting back to doing some things they used to do and now they can't anymore um maybe it's their responsibilities

SPEAKER_00 6:06

yes home yes yeah like

SPEAKER_01 6:08

that yeah

SPEAKER_00 6:09

work i definitely see that and i mean those are some of the comments those are some of the things that they share Like, you know, I work full time. And then when I get home from work, I have like the kids or, you know, I have to cook dinner or I have to, you know, do whatever it is, clean up the house, wash clothes. I mean, our laundry list can go on and on around like the things that we have to do. And one thing that I have like kind of helped myself see as well is, okay, how can you combine those things together? So I'm throwing a load of laundry in. but then I'm going to walk. And when I come back, it's like, I can put them in the dryer or, you know, one day I asked my daughter, I was like, Hey, you want to go on a walk? Like you can ride your bike and I can walk and we're outside and it's different, but it's not like mommy, mommy, mommy, can you do this? Can you give me this? It's like, she is so focused on riding that bike that I can still get my time. So I do know that roadblocks come up and I'm not going to say that it's easy, I've just been, you know, focused on how can I be intentional with it? And that's also the message that I've been sharing. Like, just do what works for you. Just just figure out what that looks like, even if it's during the day on lunch break, even if it's after you drop the kids off at school, whatever flows for you.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

What if the roadblock is, you know, maybe someone in your home adding to your plate or not helping with their responsibilities? You've already said, hey, I need help with this. and that because I want to go to the gym or I want to walk. I've tried to tell you that this is what I'm doing and they're still either saying they're not going to help. Yeah. What do you say about that? I

SPEAKER_00 7:59

think that's where we kind of go into the whole conversation of today around like setting boundaries because it sounds like, you know, that person communicated a need or a desire of theirs. And they're like, I need help. I need this. And maybe they have thought about setting the boundary, but they haven't completely gone through it. So it's like, okay, I'm stating this or I'm setting this boundary. Now what? So I feel like we can kind of, you know, go into today's episode around like what that would look like. Because I feel like it's two sides to this. And we'll be talking about the other side in our next episode. But there's a side where you will maybe have to be a little bit more firm with the way that you are setting the boundaries or communicating like how you will move in this season and then to the other person. And then I think on the other side, which we'll talk about next, is like, how do you still set that boundary with yourself to continue with the actions or the behaviors that you want to change or the things that you want to do for you so I feel like this is the right time to just jump in what do you think

SPEAKER_01 9:18

I think so too

SPEAKER_00 9:19

okay all right so I think before we go any deeper I love to call you the the boundary boss I feel like that is uh how maybe I first learned about you and your work I know that we have been in communities together in your own words can you break down what a boundary actually is or how you define that when you're telling people like, hey, this is a boundary.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Right. So a boundary is when you have a very clear line that tells others how you want to be treated. It's also a clear line for how you're going to treat yourself. It's not a wall. It's not like, you know, punishment or a way for you to like keep other people out of your life or out of your Well, it can be depending on the

SPEAKER_00 10:12

person

SPEAKER_01 10:13

in the relationship, but it is a form of just another way for you to show up for yourself to show love to yourself. But you have to be really, really clear about it and respectful to interest in the way you communicate your boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Okay. All right. I really love that because I do think so often when we have conversations about boundaries or even Even when we talk about like, hey, this is how you set a boundary or here's how I set boundaries. Sometimes people can be painted as aggressive or even, you know, the favorite word that comes out a lot is selfish. But I love that what you're saying is like, this is really about protecting your peace and not pushing people away. So I think that's where when you define that a boundary is about like, you know, I want to share with you how I want to be treated how I want us to show up in a relationship together versus the wall where I am completely shutting you out or I'm pushing you away because of the way that we engage in this relationship right

SPEAKER_01 11:27

so look at it like a line right if it's a boundary of the line on the one end I'm protecting my peace not a line not a wall right so on one side of the line I'm protecting my peace

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I'm

SPEAKER_01 11:39

showing love to myself I'm honoring my capacity and remember when I talk about what I specifically talk about capacity I'm talking about your physical and mental emotional spiritual capacity sometimes your resources too right so you don't need to be for example lending money you don't have but

SPEAKER_00 11:59

anyway and even if you have it you don't have to give it to

SPEAKER_01 12:03

everybody exactly so right the line on one end it protects my peace it honors my capacity it teaches other people how to relate to me how to be in community with me how to be in relationship with me there doesn't have to be a lot of over explaining that or apologizing for that it's not selfish it actually strengthens relationships

SPEAKER_00 12:29

yes and to me I really of course you already touched on it but boundaries are definitely a form of self love for me like hands down you already know how I feel about self-love and talking about it. And I just truly believe that boundaries, it helps you show up for yourself first so that you can engage in healthier relationships with people, your community or whatever that looks like for you. But then you're coming from a place of like wholeness and not depletion. So like I'm not coming to you and when I'm depleted, like I'm whole because I'm taking care of myself because I'm putting myself first. I'm setting boundaries in the spaces that I need to. And I don't feel depleted. I don't feel overwhelmed. It goes back to the capacity and what you have the capacity for.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Exactly. I think that once we recognize the importance of assessing what we do have the capacity to do, to manage, to hold. It becomes that much more easier to even know what boundaries need to be put in place. A lot of times we're just always on. We're always either performing, showing up, giving, serving, helping, doing all the things and things that are just part of your day-to-day experience. Things that have to get done. So it may look like you can handle a lot of things at once. And you don't recognize, Oh, it's getting harder for me to fall asleep at night. Um, I'm like, I'm had this headache for longer than I realized.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

I

SPEAKER_00 14:09

have no appetite. I'm not

SPEAKER_01 14:11

eating more than I want to. And part of that, again, we'll talk about boundaries with self in another episode, but just not, not making a habit of ignoring those warning signs.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yes. I think it's really important

SPEAKER_01 14:25

for women, but

SPEAKER_00 14:26

when you talked about earlier, you know, um, setting boundaries and not walls. I think sometimes people confuse setting a boundary with creating a wall, especially, and I get it, especially in relationships that are draining. They just feel so tired. Like it's a lot that's happening. I'm curious to hear what would you define as like A wall. Talk about the wall.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Okay. So in a passive way, that was like my go-to. If I couldn't say, if I knew I wouldn't going to be able to say no for whatever the reason was, maybe it's because of the relationship I have with the person. Maybe it's because, yeah, usually that's what it was like who they were to me. Yeah. I would just avoid them. I would avoid engaging with them, having certain conversations with them, or act like I didn't get the text, or I didn't see you calling, or whatever. Sometimes even distancing myself, just depending again on the relationship with the person, because I didn't want to have to do the thing that was really, really hard. One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that people feel like when I have a boundary, I got to put a wall up. I got to, but walls keep everybody out. And that's not healthy for us. We don't, need to have community um but a boundary on the other hand is really intentional um it's it can be flexible but the bottom line is it's rooted in love how this is how i want to show love for myself so that i can have better relationships with other people you can't know if you're my friend you can't know what i need and what i don't need if i'm always only saying yes to you you can't know what makes me happy and what frustrates me and what overwhelms me If I'm always only saying yes to you, I'm always only ever taking all of your calls, do all the things that you want to do. Even if I'm tired, even if I don't have the time, even if I don't have the energy, even if I don't have the money. Right. Yeah. So a boundary says, this is what I need to be loved, to be respected, to feel valuable in this relationship.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

okay so it's like you're giving them a healthy invitation to like connect and not necessarily disconnect but it sounds like with walls when we typically set up walls we are stay away listen here don't come near me but it truly sounds like we are trying to protect ourselves but that's rooted in fear

SPEAKER_01 17:18

it's It is. I read somewhere or maybe I heard it somewhere that boundaries build bridges. They can if you let them. And it's just back to the relationships being healthier. Allowing yourself to build a bridge between you and the other person because now I'm not doing things out of fear fear that you're not going to want to be around me fear that you're not going to love me anymore but I'm inviting you I'm welcoming you into my space into my world and letting you know I want you to stay there but these are the conditions

SPEAKER_00 18:04

yeah I mean it I think that's why it's so important for us really to like Create some time for self-reflection, especially when we are on a journey of setting boundaries or learning how to set boundaries for the first time, or we are going at it again, we're given another stab at setting boundaries. I think it's important for us to really reflect on like, okay, am I setting a boundary or am I creating a wall? Am I setting this boundary to avoid people, to keep people away, to make sure that I'm kind of in my own space and they're in their own space, which eventually we don't even realize that we're setting walls. We're just like, it's a boundary. No, that's a boundary. No, they... They ticked me off. They said this about me. They said that about me. So I am creating this boundary with this person. And then we go on this, I'm going to say boundary setting spree. Sometimes once we started, we can't stop. Now you're disconnecting

SPEAKER_01 19:13

everybody. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00 19:14

that's not healthy. Then you're completely isolated from people. You're shutting down and you don't even realize that you're doing it until you look up and you're like, wait, I have no one in my circle. I have no one in my community. Like you begin to feel isolated and alone. That is what I hear often.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

So, okay. Even with that, right. Let's just say you're in a space where I think even the example that you gave earlier around, like I have this person in my home or this person that's in my environment that I'm sharing, Hey, I need this. I need to do this. I would like to do this. you're trying to set a boundary, but then this person is not too fond of the boundary or, you know, apply this in any way that, you know, it resonates in your life. What, what do people do? Like, what do you do when you set the boundary? I think that's why it's a common struggle

SPEAKER_01 20:14

that I think a lot of us have dealt with. I mean, I think I'm grateful that my husband is, um, He is my number one supporter of me not doing too much. He reminds me often if I'm doing too much. And part of that is because when I'm doing too much, it makes me more... I'm more tired. I'm more irritable. I'm more frustrated. So he likes when I push back and put boundaries into place for other people. But if that's your struggle, boundaries, they really do reveal your true meaning behind a lot of the relationships that we have. Or maybe not the meaning, but how a person feels about you.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

What

SPEAKER_01 21:01

they think about you. Because the people who love and care about you, who want you to be well in a holistic way they may not necessarily like that now you gotta tell them no more often but they'll respect that and they'll know that Felicia's saying no because they'll know that because they'll understand it and they will support that will support you in that

SPEAKER_00 21:24

what about I was gonna say what about the because you gave a positive example of like communicating your needs to your husband and then him supporting you and I can't help but to think about the woman who is like trying to set a boundary with a family member with a friend with a partner and the support is not there like they're not they're not clapping for this new skill that this person is trying to build and cultivate. They're not excited that you're setting the boundary. What would you tell that person? I

SPEAKER_01 22:04

would tell her to... consider when you mentioned self-reflection earlier and that's key because we had to consider how we got here right um i don't know that it's accurate that just out the gate people are just not respecting your boundaries it's likely that your boundaries maybe were non-existent before and so they were used to you always saying yes always only saying yes always only doing all the things um and not sharing some of the load with them or letting them know how you really truly feel. And so I would tell her to give herself, give herself some grace, right? Once you identify, yeah, this is probably some of this is on me because I just kind of let things, I was really lax with my boundaries or I loosened them up maybe, or maybe I didn't have any at all. So I would tell her to give herself some grace and to not stop having the conversation, to not stop letting the person know, this is what I need. This is why I need these things. that I need. I'm noticing how I feel. I'm noticing in my body I don't feel good. I'm noticing that I'm crying more than I want to. I'm eating more than I want to. If this is a relationship you decided is worth trying to save or sustain or hold on to, And if it's one you decided not, then that's a conversation for another podcast. But consider the person that you're setting the boundary with. Consider the person that you're sharing the space with. Consider your relationship. This is not about you fighting with someone or being disrespectful or causing a lot of disagreements, but you do have to consider if they are always bucking up against you when you try to put a boundary in place, you need to decide how you want to move forward or if you want to move forward in that relationship.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

I think you're also saying that even when you work on setting that boundary or you are on a journey of healing and people aren't excited about it, they're not cheering you on, they feel uncomfortable, we still want you to know that you weren't wrong for setting the boundary.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

No, other people's reaction to your boundary is not an indication that what you did is bad.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Maybe it's not your responsibility, how they choose to respond. I just truly believe that even when you continue to set those boundaries, continue to communicate, it just shows that you are choosing peace over people pleasing. And to me, that's progress any day, especially when you're working on healing and showing up as a different version of yourself or just showing up for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Well, that part, the showing up for yourself. Proverbs 4 and 23 says, above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

That's a boundary.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

It is. It's a reminder, a divine reminder that your heart, which is the center of our emotions, right? Yeah. Our energy, our spirit, it's all sacred and everybody should not have access to it. So God is literally telling us to guard it, protect it. He's not asking us to be closed off from other people, but he's inviting us to protect something that's really sacred and valuable. It's no different than, again, we'll talk about self-boundaries later, but being mindful of the conversations you have, the shows you watch, we have to guard our hearts. We can't just allow, we have to monitor our intake. Boundaries are just one way that we can do that. I know for me, I used to think that being a good Christian, I just had to always be there for other people, always show up for other people, always support other people. And yes, we want to give back. We want to volunteer. And that's just a natural part of who I am. And I enjoy doing those things. But even Jesus remodeled rest for us, right? He walked away from crowds. He walked away when there was too much being asked of him. He said no. He was even disappointed in people. But he did not. He didn't forsake us in a way that looks like, well, I'm just going to shut you all off. Right. Thank God for that.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Yeah. Because

SPEAKER_01 26:23

where would we all be?

SPEAKER_00 26:24

So

SPEAKER_01 26:24

anyway, that tells, that tells me a lot that you can love somebody and still have a boundary. You can still say, no, I can, we do it with our children, right? Our heavenly father does it for us. We pray and ask you for things. And sometimes that we're not ready for. And so he knows they're not ready. So I got to say no. And we do it for our children all the time.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

So you can honor others without abandoning yourself.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

You can, I think that's the, that is the, whole idea behind self-love too, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Well, honey... Yeah, because I just, I also believe that when we set boundaries, it's not about failing to show up. It's just learning how to show up in ways that don't cost us our peace. It's not costing us our joy. It's not costing us our health, like everyday wellness and wellbeing. It's not costing us or not causing, I think, us to feel depleted. just to show up for other people or to show other people that we care about them.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Right. So to address the elephant in the room, you are likely going to feel some guilt while you are enforcing these boundaries, especially because you're breaking old patterns or habits or ways of doing things. You're changing how you show up for people, how you interact with people. It's important for our listeners to know that guilt is not a sign that you're doing something wrong.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

To me, it's a sign that you're growing. I

SPEAKER_00 28:07

agree. I agree. And it's uncomfortable. And that's what growth is. Sometimes growth, it sometimes bring discomfort. And it doesn't mean that like you're not doing the right thing or you're doing something wrong. You're just being stretched

SPEAKER_01 28:24

in a different way. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

So I think this is probably the perfect time to kind of segue into like, okay, you just mentioned guilt may be present when guilt will be present nine times out of 10. I agree. I don't, I

SPEAKER_01 28:43

don't think there's a question if it's going to show up.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

It's definitely going to show up. Yeah. So I think we can move into a space of like giving you all some tools to navigate the guilt after setting boundaries, because we know that that's a heavy feeling

SPEAKER_01 29:01

that

SPEAKER_00 29:01

can come

SPEAKER_01 29:02

up. I think it's the number one reason why a lot of women don't enforce boundaries. Of

SPEAKER_00 29:08

course.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Right. Something is not OK. And so if you got it, if you're getting ready to say no to someone, you might feel literally some pain in your stomach, a lump in your throat, your palms might get kind of sweaty. That's a warning sign that something is either not OK or your body is maybe not OK with it. And doesn't mean it's bad. Doesn't mean it's wrong. So a lot of women, especially high achieving women, guilt shows up like as a trauma response. We have been taught to prioritize other people's comfort over our well-being and our families and our workspace. And so when we say no, it can trigger a lot of things like shame.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

You're protecting yourself, but I still feel bad.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Yes and you know even I think I love that we can name it as a trauma response and I think that sometimes it just shows up like a form of conditioned guilt like we've witnessed this before so like we feel as if okay I already know that people will call me selfish or they will say that I'm I don't care about them. So I'm just going to feel guilty automatically. I know it's

SPEAKER_01 30:55

coming.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Just because I know that that is coming. So one thing that I kind of share with my clients, especially when they are learning to set boundaries again, or they're starting fresh with certain boundaries is to pause and really ask yourself, is this guilt based on my values or someone else's discomfort? If you decided

SPEAKER_01 31:20

it was something that you valued, then honor yourself by standing 10 toes down in the boundary that you set.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Instead of betraying yourself.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

It's so interesting how we try to figure out how to be, well, actually, we are a lot more comfortable letting ourself down than we are letting other people down. And I'll add this because this does come up lot with the women that I work with sometimes we label guilt what we're feeling is guilt but it's actually grief you're not feeling bad because you've done something wrong you're grieving the version of yourself that never said no

SPEAKER_00 32:00

because

SPEAKER_01 32:00

you were invited to the party their

SPEAKER_00 32:04

quotes around

SPEAKER_01 32:05

party a lot more because you always say yeah you're you probably are grieving the version of you who got a lot of love because you overgave.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

The version of you who you were praised a lot

SPEAKER_00 32:19

because you were selfless. Yeah. And I think even it goes back to what we talked about last week. The version of you who had to perform It's going to be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

It's

SPEAKER_00 32:50

not saying that you're doing anything wrong. It just means that you're growing, you're healing, and you're releasing an old identity that no longer aligns with you, your values, and where you want to go.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

Felicia, that is grief.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

That is grief. But feeling that way is not a sign of failure. It's a sign that you are changing. You're growing. So you're not guilty anymore. You don't have to feel guilt. You're grieving the woman that you used to be. That deserves compassion. That doesn't deserve shame. You don't have to make yourself feel bad for doing the thing that you know is the best thing for you.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Again, I feel like this is a conversation that you and I could probably talk about forever. for hours at a time but because we're like okay sis this is not the podcast where we will be on these mics for two and three hours like we are doing Sunday school regular service then afternoon I'm gonna keep it short and sweet um and and get to the point but of course there will be other ways that you can hear more about our thoughts especially if you open the emails after After the episodes, we go a little bit more in depth with our thought process and the conversations that we're having and extra tips and tricks that could be helpful for you. But before you head back into your day, here's where we kind of do our rest stop and we fuel up for the road ahead.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

So remember, boundaries are an act of bravery. Don't sound like that.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Yeah. So I'm going to be brave enough to do something that's not easy, but it is necessary. And when, not if, when the guilt shows up, remind yourself that I'm growing. I might be grieving the version of me that got a lot of what looked like love from a lot of people, but it's okay. It's all right. This is how I'm going to show love for myself. This is how I'm going to work on healing. And I'm going to trust this part of my journey.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Yeah. So, of course, we always leave you with a reflection question. And the one for today is where in your life are you feeling guilty for choosing peace? And what would it mean to honor that choice anyway? So a small step that you can take this week is to notice one place where you've set the boundary and instead of apologizing for it, affirm it. So say to yourself, this boundary honors me. And I think that that goes back or it kind of, you know, you can add the reflection question to the next small step and affirm that this boundary honors me. This boundary honors my values and the journey that I'm on towards healing and becoming the version of myself that maybe I desire or I envision

SPEAKER_01 36:08

yeah yeah just remember you don't have to explain your peace to people who benefit from you being exhausted set the boundary keep the boundary

SPEAKER_00 36:21

okay wow um uh but more importantly let's normalize uh boundaries that heal but also boundaries that help us take care of ourselves and show up for ourselves so again take care of yourself and trust your journey we'll talk to you soon all right peace that's it for today's conversation we're so glad you joined us

SPEAKER_01 36:46

If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to subscribe, share with a friend or leave us a review. It helps more women like you find this space.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Join us next time for another honest conversation. Until then, take care of yourself and trust your journey.