Why Your Friendships Feel Different Now

Friendships can change in ways no one really prepares you for.

One day everything feels easy and familiar, and then suddenly, it doesn’t.

In this episode, we talk about:
• Why friendships change in adulthood
• How capacity changes as life changes
• The pressure to maintain relationships because of "history"
• Letting go of the idea that one friend should be everything
• What it actually takes to nurture adult friendships

This episode is for you if:
— Your friendships feel different lately
— You’re craving deeper alignment
— You feel guilty for needing space
— You’re realizing longevity alone isn’t enough

Rest Stop Reflection:

• What kind of friend am I right now?
• How am I showing up in the relationships I say I value?

New episodes drop every week.

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Looking for Therapy?

Christalyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Carolina. She offers faith-integrated therapy for women navigating burnout, boundaries, and emotional exhaustion.
→ carolinacounselingsc.com

Felicia is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas,  She provides trauma-informed, somatic-based therapy for women ready to heal and reconnect with themselves.
→ soulguidedhealing...

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

God has helped to shape those relationships and to help to shape my thinking in a way that looks like me actually having conversations with him about God who needs to stay and who doesn't need to stay. Help me, give me what I need so that if this is a person that you are moving out of my life, that I'm not trying to keep them around, I'm not trying to pull them back. Welcome to the Trust in Her Journey podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

I'm Felicia.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

And I'm Crystalin.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

This podcast is a safe space for women who are caring a lot, women who are trying to trust themselves again while managing the weight of their roles and responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

We know what it's like to feel stretched in because you're constantly showing up for everyone and putting your own needs last. Here we have honest conversations about the solid struggles many women face.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

We're so glad you're here. In every episode, we'll talk about the real challenges women navigate, whether it's juggling, work, and family, carving out time for yourself, or learning to trust your instincts again.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

You'll hear us share personal stories and lessons from our experience to help you trust your path and rethink what peace and balance actually looks like for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Our goal is to guide you through the hard moments with honest conversations about boundaries, self-care, and leaning on your faith for strength.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure about how to care for yourself while caring for everyone else, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Just a quick heads up: this podcast isn't a substitute for working with a licensed counselor or therapist. But don't worry, if you need that kind of support, we've got some resources for you in the show notes. Let's start the conversation. Welcome back to Trust in Her Journey. I'm Felicia. And I'm Crystal Ann. Hey, how are you today? I'm doing good. How do I sound?

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Me, me, me.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Yeah, girl, you sound much better than last time. You know that voice was cracking a little bit. It was giving. But you know what? I can't laugh because it was back to back. It was me, then it was you. So we're back and we're better and we're excited to be recording today. How was your weekend?

SPEAKER_00 2:21

It was good. Um, the weather has been nice. My husband and I did a little getaway and celebrated Valentine's Day together for Valentine's Day, and then we came back and then we celebrated with our Valentine, our little one. Well, she did not live, but yeah. So yeah, we had a good time. How was it?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Good. It was good. Um, this year we decided to do something a little bit more simple. Like we both uh had Friday off, so we got brunch without the kids. We um took my daughter out to get her nails and toes done a girl. She was loving that. We all made it like a little spa thing, and we just chilled. It was what we needed because we have been on the go and things are starting to ramp up with like celebrations and activities and things. So it was good, it felt refreshing for me for sure. Yeah, to kind of switch it up a little bit, yes, and not do all of the hustle and bustle with restaurants, and I just wasn't in the mood for that this year, which I'm surprised because I normally like to, you know, being that I work from home, I don't get dressed up enough. So I like to go out and do things, but I was not in the mood for so that worked. It worked for me.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

We need to be changing a little bit too, you know.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Yeah, I was thinking about that Sunday, like, oh, this is different. This is out of the ordinary for me because he's like, Oh, you didn't even say anything that you wanted for Valentine's Day. I was like, I don't want, I don't know what I want. I think I'm blessed to have all the things I want and need. So I don't really want to be grabbing that stuff, but you know, I put that thing on credit just in case I need to circle the block and figure out I said, listen, I'm coming back.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Right, right. I know um I have a friend and her family, they keep like a running um Amazon wish list, so everybody has their own. So at any point, not just a holiday, but it does come in handy for the holidays. At any point, I guess if someone wants to go on and get a gift, then they can just go to that, yeah. Because you know, the Amazon wish list and cards just be full of stuff there.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Girl, my cart is ridiculous. Brazilian dollar total. And it's you want to know what the funny part about it is, it's a lot of items that are like small in price, but I'm like, I don't want to spend my money on that, you know. I don't want to buy that. I want someone else to buy that, and then when I send them to him, he's like, This is ten dollars. Yeah, I know I want to keep my 10 spent spin your 10. Your 10. Okay, so I'm glad that you had a great weekend. You deserve that.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Um, my husband is one of my best friends. When we spend time together, it's yeah, I've we've been together since I was 23 years old.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah, so that's like almost half my life.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Yeah, yeah. And what's interesting is I love that you brought up the fact that he is your best friend because the conversation that we're having today is around friendships and um how friendships can change. Like you've mentioned that's over half of your life of like knowing this person and have being in a relationship with them, having a friendship with them. And it had me thinking about like, wow, even when we talked about friendships and we talk about our friendships and just relationships that we're in all the time, to hear you say that over half of your life that you know you all have had this connection, I wonder how many people kind of have some feelings around their friendships and things shifting. Because I know for me, things don't look or feel the same way that they did 10 years ago. And as much as we have conversations regarding like relationships in terms of romantic relationships changing, I don't think we talk enough about friendships and how our friendship dynamics can change. And a lot of us don't know how to feel or what to do with that.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah, I definitely agree. Even when I think about um getting married, at to me, what I would say now was such a young age. I have some of the same friends that I did then, um, but I don't have all of the same friends that I did then. And um, some of the friendships ended, and I know why. Some of the friendships ended, and I haven't I can kind of guess why. I have no idea. Some of them we just kind of naturally grew apart. Um I just know when your younger friendships seem more easy to manage and navigate, right? Because you got all this time, you don't have a lot of responsibility, they can have as much access to you as you would like them to have. And um once you get older and then you start your career and you become a parent or you move or you get married, I think things just have to change in some ways. But ideally, if there could be a conversation about it, that would be nice. But most of the time we know that's just not how it happens. No, it just don't happen like that.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Yes. And even hearing you mention like uh things feel different, I don't think that it's a bad thing, a bad thing that things are different or relationship dynamics have changed. I think more than anything, it's what you mentioned around not having the conversations about capacity. Because when I hear you talk about friendships as a child versus an adult with careers, with families, with different responsibilities, your capacity is very different. I mean, I remember as a child, I wasn't really worried about anything other than going to the basketball game, hanging with my friends, you know, we're out and about. Maybe we had a little bit more responsibilities when we got to high school and we're in sports, and you know, you have a job, but the capacity and the energy has changed from teenage girl to now. I even think about that in college years. My my capacity is very different. My responsibilities are different, but more than anything, I think my emotional bandwidth is very different.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, 100%. Well, and we obviously we weren't using terms like capacity, even when we think about college and um even when I think about my studies in college and study and psychology courses and social work and things like that, like that's just not the language we were using. And what it's also true is no one was really talking to us about how to be a friend while doing life, right? So yeah, my mom talked to us, you know, about be honest, be kind, be generous, that kind of friendship stuff. Um like humanity stuff to just be good, yeah, but so she did talk to us about you know treating others the way you want to be treated. So a lot of the things that we were taught were biblical based as well, but just like knowing that or noticing when it was just too much. When if you had a friend that was always involved in drama, for example, sometimes, depending on the age and stage of your life, girl, you I'm down for whatever. Right. I want girls, you know. It's just if something happened, we're going through this together. That's just without putting too much people's business in the street. But so we're gonna go through this together now. Fast forward, I mean, I'll jokingly say, like, I do have a couple friends who they don't mind, they'll serve a night or two for me if I need them to, because they know I'm not in a position where I can do that. And I also have the friends who are like, calm down, we're gonna pray, and we're gonna pray and we're gonna let God handle it. So depending on where I am, I know who I'm who I need to call. Yeah. Depending on where I am, but when I think about even who I used to be in college and the women who are my friends, even still now, today, all of us have changed and grown and evolved because of life. And even the amount of time that we spend together, some of it's just not the same. Do I still value those relationships? I think I do even more now. Yeah, the time we spend together is that much more precious. And the memories, some that I can share and some that I'm never sharing, we take in a universe with us to our grave. Yes. Um, but those memories that help to kind of shape us as women and help to kind of build or strengthen the foundation of our friendship, the fact that we don't see each other all the time or talk all the time doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm like, I'm not, you can tell me what you what you think about this because I know sometimes for some people, depending on where they are in their life, they need regular, constant contact with certain friends. And then if it's not regular or constant contact, then they there's a break in the friendship. They start to feel a type of way. Um, so do you think that is about the friendship? Do you think that's about the age or stage the person is at? Where do you think? What do you think? Um, why do you think that happens when people, their friendships break or um kind of fizzle out? And it's because one person feels like there's not enough contact?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Um, you know, that's such a loaded question, honestly, because from the therapeutic side, I'm often like, okay, that's let's talk about that attachment style. Like what is happening there to where you may feel like there is this constant need of communication without considering that life is happening for other people. Um, and it has nothing to do with you that there's a lack of communication. I'm not saying that that's always the case, but from what we know, I'm the type of person, if you did not tell me that you have a problem with me, then I don't think you have a problem with me. So I'm gonna ride it out to it has nothing to do with me that there's a break in communication. Um, the other side is I'm the type of person that I'm okay if I don't talk to you every single day. I'm thinking about some of my closest relationships. I don't talk to them every day, but the moment that we do talk, we're on the phone for hours, or we have the relationship where we may not talk all the time, but we're sending memes, we're sending TikToks. Like there is still some form of communication to show that I'm thinking about you, I love you, I care for you. If you need me, holler. Like, I think that's just what was established with us. So that could go between like, what is the relationship that you have with that person? Have you communicated that you are the type of person that you need constant communication, or you need to be reassured that everything is okay in the relationship? Or can you pick up where you left off? Like, can you go six months without talking and then y'all pick up and say, okay, we know this is going to be a two-hour conversation? We got so much to talk about. It's kind of like a run-in bullet list. I really do think it depends on the person and what they're looking for, but that goes back to different people serve different roles in your life.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Right. Have you actually had that conversation with your friends? Like, do you have you and your friends say ever said any version of like, hey, this is what I need, or I'm okay, we don't talk all the time, or you know, I value this friendship because you know I know we can travel together, or you're the god parent of my kids, and or this is what I need in the friendship, or this is girl, you're doing too much, I don't need that. I've got to have those conversations.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

I've had that with a few friends, not all.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah, yeah. And I don't know that enough people do that. I'm just wondering how much of the breaks we hear about or know about in friendships, or is it because the the things that there's too many things that are being left unsaid? Yeah, these expectations and you're not sharing.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yeah, agreed. And I also think it it goes back to the emotional um capacity and your emotional intelligence to have those conversations. I don't know if everyone is ready for that type of conversation because as we've discussed before, sometimes you don't even know what you need or what you're looking for. You're basing it off of what everyone else is doing. So I think that that's also where it's at. Some friends I can talk to and be like, girl, I need you. I need to have a conversation with you. We haven't talked in a long time, and it made me feel like this. And then there are other relationships where it's just like, I guess there's this understanding where we don't need to communicate what happened, or we're not ready, or we don't have the language to communicate what we're feeling right now. So we're trying to fill it out.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Right. So that language piece when we use um expressions or words like emotional intelligence, I think a lot of people uh misinterpret that to mean something along the lines of you are wise enough or smart enough to know what you feel it and to be able to put words to it. Um and that's part of that is true, but the other piece of it requires a little bit of um being able to be empathetic. Um, being, yes, you want to be able to articulate what you feel and what you think, and to be able to say it in a way that is not going to um um cause damage or cause harm to the person that you are communicating to. Um, but that also requires you to like care about the person. It requires you to be concerned or even even consider where you want the relationship to go. If you want the relationship to grow, a lot of different factors come into place. Yes, and maturity um in that in that way is something that has to be, it can be taught, but it takes time to develop, is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, and if you don't nurture those skills within first, then you aren't gonna be able to say, girl, I ain't talked to you in how many months? And now you call it.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Yes, yes. And it's knowing, I think it's also the space of you have to know who you're having that conversation with too. Like for me and you, I think that we have this banter where we can let each other know, like, girl, you're doing too much. Like you said it to me, I've said it to you. Like, stop, stop working, stop. That's just the nature of our friendship. And I think it has evolved over time, but it's not something everyone will experience. Every relationship, you can't say, chill out, you know, you can't have that type of banter. You have to learn the person that you are building this connection with. And I think that that also gives you an idea of how can I have these conversations? What would these conversations look like? Have I noticed patterns when this person may be growing or shifting? Can I pay attention to those things to say, like, how can I support you? Maybe she does need some time because she's working on something or she's going through something. But it takes, like you said, nurturing those relationships and friendships. And I'm gonna be real, I think some of us come out the gate wanting to have Instagram-worthy friendships and um this big community without doing the work to build those communities and those relationships.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

I agree with you 100%. Even when you talk mentioned like our banter, and I was thinking, I'm like, yeah, we can talk to each other the way we do, because we also kind of ask the necessary questions. And so it may not sound like, were you okay when I said blah, blah, blah. May not sound like that, but there is a always a checking in kind of to make sure that what we said landed the way we needed it to land, right? Um, there was no offense or no harm. So we're always doing that kind of work. Y'all, friendships in adulthood is exhausting. It is. It is not necessarily in a bad way. I guess for some it could be in a bad way. Yes. And that may be a clue to you about, you know, a lot of different things, but it's it is work. And if you want the friendship to grow stronger and to last, so I think that's really what I want our listeners to consider too, as you're as you're considering your relationships and at the stage you are in your life, what relationships do you want to last? What relationships do you want to nurture and grow? Um, yeah, because as we grow, naturally, like we mentioned, your relationships are going to change. But um, I think for me, well, I know for me, my faith has changed even how I view or approach friendships, because I just need God to uh align everything. I just don't need people in my life that are going to be roadblocks, that are going to be a hindrance, that are going to, I gotta be so guarded around, that are not gonna help to push me closer to becoming the woman I know God wants me to be. Um I I need I'm not saying every single friend has to pray for me in the same way that I pray for them, but I need you to have some pleasant thoughts for me if you know I'm going if you know I'm going through strumption or if you think I might be going through strumption. If God puts me on your heart, you know, send one up for me. You don't have to call me a Me, but I need to know that you have me in mind, even if we aren't talking all the time. I need to know that I'm safe. I may not have to share everything with you, but if you're my friend who's um, you know, the friend that is really good in business, and we're not talking, we don't talk about motherhood or um, you know, marriage, but business is our thing, right? Because I I am a compartmentalizer when it comes to friendships.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

People are not, but that that's a me thing. Yeah. So if that's your that's know your role in my life. And we, if you're my friend, we have talked about that. Um, if you're my friend who you've been the I have some friends who've been moms longer than me, and they know part of their role in my life is to help to make sure my baby is not on somebody's couch forever, because I don't really so they reel me in when I'm doing too much. Um and that those kind of things are important, but even the even with that, God has helped to shape those relationships and to help to shape my thinking in a way that looks like me actually having conversations with him about God who needs to stay and who doesn't need to stay. Help me, give me what I need so that if this is the person that you are moving out of my life, that I'm not trying to keep them around, I'm not trying to pull them back in. And so my prayer life looks like me praying for me, of course, and the people, the women who are in my life, and the women who are in my life. I have some friends who I ain't gonna say no names, I have literally never seen them in real life. Yeah, I haven't, and they are some of my best friends, yeah, and we haven't seen each other in real life for so many different reasons. However, we are really, really intentional about nurturing our friendships, just not gonna let too much time pass without making sure we have some have connected in some way, and that's important to me for where I am in my life right now. Yeah, 15 years ago, probably wouldn't have cared. Well, I say 20 years ago. I wouldn't, I didn't, I cared about my friendships, but it just didn't look the same. And I know the women that I've had friendships, relationships with now, um, a lot of them are my chosen sisters. We don't have the same birth parents, but they are the people that I want to do life with.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

And that type of alignment matters to me more than like, oh, we've been friends since middle school, so that's why we're still friends.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Yeah. I think that that part is what I have been learning over the past few years, is number one, I love that you spoke on the the piece around not everyone is meant to hold every part of you. For me, more specifically, I I have always talked to my clients about there are some friends that will not get VIP access to you, and that's fine. They don't they don't have to be a part of VIP, they don't have to know everything about you. You get to decide what you want to share with people the same way they get to decide what they want to share with you. And real friends, it has absolutely nothing to do with the testing of our friendship, it's just certain things I hold near and dear to me. And it's not to say that you can't move up or you can't move down the access ladder. It's just I'm learning that I don't have to share every part of me to be in a healthy relationship with people. I'm also learning that longevity no longer is the requirement that I'm holding on to for someone to be a friend. Now, just like you said, if you would have asked me that 10 or 15 years ago, I probably would have said, yes, they're gonna be my friend for life because of history or whatever. But again, it goes back to I'm learning that some people aren't able to be in a relationship with this version of me, and I'm not able to be in a relationship with that version of them, and that's okay. It's not to say that their version is bad or my version is bad, it's just to say that our versions don't align with each other in this season of life. I have no ill will towards them, even like you mentioned, I'm still gonna pray for you, I'm gonna think about you, I'll care about you and your well-being. I just don't have to invest the same energy and time in that relationship in the way that I did before. And for me, I'm learning more than anything that that's showing growth and maturity on my part, because before I would just keep people around simply because of the years invested. And now I'm just like, if it doesn't align, it's not that we have to have some drama. We need a big fallout, we need a curse out, we need a social media war, none of that. It's just I respect you, I respect the time that we share, the memories that we have together, and it's okay if we departure, because maybe they're not meant to go in the next season of life with you.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

That and that's we know that now. Wisdom, life experience has taught us that. And yeah, at 23, uh no, I didn't think I did not think that way. Um, if a friendship ended, it was like, oh my god. Yeah, it was devastating, girl. It was like a heartbreak, right? Yeah, yeah, very devastating. How do I move on? Where do I go from here? I know there's a few friendships where I was pulling the person back, the people back in my life. Because I saw them in the store or I saw a post on socials. Let me just reach out, let me just regret it every single time. Like, why did I do that? Yeah, I just let leave well enough alone, let the relationship, especially when God would give me the grace that I don't do not deserve, and let the friendship kind of fizzle out, and there was no drama or anything. We just kind of just you know, we just kind of drifted apart. Those, it's like, why couldn't I just accept that? No, you know, we gotta go back and get more just to say we have a storyline for the ending of the relationship. Yeah, it and I now know that in God's divine wisdom, He knew like you girl, you wouldn't gonna be able to handle it if it happened any other way. You were not gonna be able to handle it if it happened in a different way. There's scripture, Proverbs 13 and 20, walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffer harms. And I think that I know that scripture is important to me for a lot of different reasons because you can look at it a lot of different ways. But when I think about that, and I think about the friendships that got they got them fizzled out, and I was pulling them back. The times I regretted it, it's because when I realized who that person was and how they was living, it didn't match how I lived. It did, I did not like a lot of the things they were doing. Sometimes I didn't even like the way they spoke um or the stories they had to share anymore. Like even the memories we shared, it's like, dang, that was a memory. That was why did I do that? Why how did I allow myself to even let things go in that direction? That's not even the kind of woman I want to be, or I'm not that version of me anymore. And so I need wise companions. I cannot be friends with foolish people. I need to walk with women who are going to hey say, no, hey, look, this is not God, God don't like this. He is not gonna be with you living this way, and maybe they don't frame it that way with that exact language, but I get it. Um, and they they can come, you know, help me to just be a greater version of myself. That is important. Um yeah, that to me, that's what's most important now that I have women in my life who are wise, yeah, fear God, and who are not going to um, they're not tearing other women down. Um they're and they're helping me to see that I can be um all the things and more that they can see. Because you know, and you can tell me if this is true for you. Have you had friends where you can see um in them things that they don't see in themselves and want to stay connected to them because you're looking forward to when they can see they can thing that you see, and so even in those kind of friendships, I have to pray and ask God to make to make sure I'm not taking his job, that I'm not taking his job, yeah, not that this that's not on me, the weight of them, you know, fulfilling their life's purpose, their life's work, don't fall on me. But but God, if I'm the person that's supposed to be in their life to help, to encourage them and support them, help me to know my role, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Yes, me to know my role and and put women in my life who are gonna serve a purpose that you want them to serve.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

Yes. Even hearing you say that, one thing that I have been normalizing more and more with myself and making sure that I normalize this when I'm talking to other women is the idea that your friends are allowed to have more than you as a friend. You cannot be everything to that friend. Like your friend deserves to have people who can show up for them when you can't. Because guess what? You won't always be able to show up for your friend. You won't always be able to resonate with whatever your friend is going through, and you want to make sure that the village or community that they build, they have the right people there. Then you should not take offense to it and say, well, why is she calling her? Why didn't she call me? Well, this is okay. Maybe that's something that that person is bringing that's a gift and a purpose in your friend's life. Yes, it doesn't have to be you're their end all be all. Like that's unfair to you because you're putting extra pressure on yourself to show up when you don't again have the capacity or energy to do that, and then you're not allowing other people to show up for this person when they need it.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Right. The expression's um relational abundance. So um it is a blessing when your friends have other people who other friends who love them well.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Um, because that means that they have a full enriched life. They're supported, they're cared for, they um, there's no competition, there's no insecurity, just gratitude. I love that, especially for my friends who don't live near me. I love being able to see photos of them doing life with the other people, the other women in their life, and them being celebrated and poured into and loved on and all the things by the other women. First of all, because sometimes I literally can't be there because geographically I can't. Um, and or my life, I don't have the capacity, yeah. Or I don't have the wisdom about that particular thing, um, or just time. I just I just can't. And and you don't none of us want to do life alone. So while we can be the only besties, yeah, that's they can have more than one bestie.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Yes, I agree. You can have more than one, okay? We don't have to pick, like in in a grade school, hey, you only get one, you can have multiple. That I think that leads us to a space of when we do our rest stop, we kind of give you some fuel for the week ahead. And it's something that even as we were preparing for this episode, I found myself kind of processing my own experiences around what type of friend am I? So the question that we're kind of leaving, not kind of the question that we are leaving you all with is what kind of friend are you? Like, how are you showing up in these relationships and friendships that you currently have? Because if we can be honest, some of us are expecting things from people that we're not even willing to give. I'm gonna just look out on one. So this is your opportunity to sit down with yourself and say, like, what type of friend am I? How am I showing up in relationships?

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah, it's okay. Um, we want to normalize that friendships, especially adult friendships, and I think we mostly or you more commonly hear this in romantic relationships, but adult friendships are rarely 50-50. Sometimes you're gonna carry more, sometimes you're gonna call more, sometimes you are gonna be doing more in the friendship, pulling a little bit more of the weight. That's just natural. And if we expect that there's gonna be uh things are gonna be perfectly um reciprocal, um, there's gonna be all of this equality at every single moment of the relationship that it's just not realistic, it's not sustainable for friendships, it builds resentment, that leaves no room for grace, that leaves no room for forgiveness, that leaves no room for um just strengthening the foundation of the relationship. Sometimes things life cause people to move in different directions, but sometimes it could just be a time for you to learn or come to know that this might be a season where I just gotta hold Felicia down a little bit more. Yes, because of whatever's happening. Yes, and I know because we've poured into our friendship, I know she do the same for me.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

I know, and that's what I want you all to think about too, as you're praying about your relationships and asking God to who to bring, who's let's say, and who should go. Um if I if it were if a shoe was on the other foot, would this person do maybe not the exact same thing, but would they show up for me? Show up, yeah. It don't have to look the same way I how I show up for them. Will they show up for me if they could? Yes. And if the fact that they're not showing up for me, is that because of how they feel about me, or is it because of something they're going through? Um, they don't have the capacity or whatever, something that I know is not a heart matter. Their heart has not changed for me towards me, but just life has changed and they can't be who I might want them to be at this moment. That's just something to think about. And it's hard to be able to answer some of those questions if you don't know the kind of friend you are, and if you do not know the kind of friendships you desire to have, and the kind of friendships God desires you to have. So, what we're saying is don't just be creating this long list of expectations to people, for people, and you don't even know how you show up in friendships.

SPEAKER_01 38:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

You want people to do for you that what you won't do for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 38:28

Well, we hope that you all enjoy today's conversation. Um, this is one that we truly believe can be multiple parts. So the conversation does not end here. This is just a starting point for you to reflect on your own relationships, how you show up in friendships, and that even leads you to how do you trust your journey with the friends that you have in this season of life? Because maybe your friends aren't the friends you have currently. Maybe they can't go with you in the next season, and that's okay. Again, we're not saying just start eliminating people before. Listen, don't cutting everybody off. Like, really sit down and think about the questions that we all provided you for the rest stop. We, of course, thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you have not, please make sure that you subscribe on YouTube. Be sure to share it with some people in your life. Um, if you're not on our email list, please make sure that you join the email list in our community. We send out emails um twice a week with some gems that we feel can be helpful to you to help you as you go throughout your journey. Again, we thank you and we appreciate you, and we will see you next time. Bye.

unknown 39:53

Peace.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

That's it for today's conversation. We're so glad you joined us.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to subscribe, share with a friend, or leave us a review. It helps more women like you find this space.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

Join us next time for another honest conversation. Until then, take care of yourself and trust your journey.